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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She creates video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me being her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest helping her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an audience. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who execute that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: observing the details, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my way of offering access, providing her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can achieve: an opening. I know not all people enjoys being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private videographer, but friends support one another in small ways. I thought filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish our friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I get that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?